How to Be a Great Hostess or Guest
So, you've been invited to an event. What do you do now?
First and foremost......
RSVP:
Confirm your attendance or regrets and communicate any plans or potential changes clearly to avoid inconveniencing your host. This is so important because in many cases people have to pay per person and when you don't show up, it costs them money.
For more casual events (other than weddings) -
Before You Arrive:
1. Ask if you can bring something.
2. Be on time!
3. Bring a small hostess gift for dinner parties, wine, flowers, or a homemade treat, is a thoughtful gesture.
While You Are There:
1. Follow the rules. Pay attention to and respect your host's house rules, such as taking off your shoes, and be mindful of their routines.
2. Be helpful. Offer to help with chores, like doing dishes, or with setting up and cleaning up.
3. Clean up after yourself. Keep your personal space tidy, clean up any messes you make, and manage your own dishes.
4. Respect their belongings. Don't go through your host's personal things or ask about the cost of items in their home.
5. Be engaged but independent. Participate in activities, but also know when to give your host some personal space. Don't be overly needy or spend the entire day on your phone. (This last part is for longer stays in someone's home.)
6. Be quiet. Be considerate of your host's sleep schedule, especially when arriving late.
Before You Leave:
1. Thank your host. Express your gratitude and thank them for their hospitality.
2. Send a thank-you note. A thank-you note, whether physical or digital, is a great way to show appreciation after your stay.
3. Leave your space tidy. Before you leave, make sure to tidy up your guest area and take all your belongings with you.
Rules for Overnight (or longer) House Guests:
1. Try to never surprise your hosts! Showing up at someone's house without notice is not always welcome.
2. Help more than you think is necessary. Help clear the table, empty the dishwasher, help with the dishes, etc. Please do not mistake your host for a concierge or a maid!
3. Offer to treat your host. Hosting is not cheap; it means extra cleaning, groceries, electricity and time. There is no need to go overboard, but it is nice to chip in with groceries, turn off the lights, etc.
4. If you damage or break something, do not conceal it, but rather fess up and offer to pay for the repair.
HOW TO BE A GREAT HOSTESS
Before Guests Arrive:
1. If you have a guest room, sleep in it just to see if it is comfortable. Notice any noises or inconvenient things.
2. Prepare your space. Make sure your home is clean and tidy, especially the bathroom and entryway.
2. Inquire about any dietary restrictions or allergies well in advance.
3. Plan the experience. Consider having an itinerary or at least some planned activities, and think about what kind of atmosphere you want to create.
4. Write out a menu and a plan for making the food (or making it happen). Create a time-line for the week before the event so you don't forget anything. Don't forget extra tables or seating, if necessary.
When Guests Arrive:
1. Greet them warmly. Offer a genuine smile and a friendly greeting. Make eye contact to show you value their presence.
2. Introduce guests to each other to help them connect.
During The Visit:
1. Check in on your guests to see if they need anything, like a drink.
2. Talk to your guests and show genuine interest in what they have to say.
3. Keep things comfortable. Ensure they have comfortable seating and anything they might need, such as a glass of water by their bed if they are staying overnight.
4. Don't hover, but be available. Sometimes, letting guests have alone time is just as important as making them feel welcome.
When Guests Leave:
1. Express your gratitude as they leave and invite them to return.
THANK YOU NOTES
It’s never wrong to send a thank-you note, and people always appreciate getting “thanks” for their efforts, and if you're thinking about whether or not you should write a thank-you note, you probably should. Anyone would appreciate receiving a thank-you note, and some people may be expecting one.
The rule of thumb for thank-you notes is that you should send a written note anytime you receive a gift and the giver wasn't there to be thanked in person.
A handwritten note is preferable, but in today's world, email is acceptable (barely). If the gift is from a close friend or relative (and it’s not a wedding gift) you can email or call instead, if you prefer.
When a Thank-You Note is Necessary -
Shower Gifts - Even though the gift giver attended the shower in your honor and you had a chance to say thanks for her gift, you should still send a written note.
Wedding Gifts - Each wedding gift should be acknowledged with a written note within three months of receipt of the gift. It’s best to write the notes as soon as possible after gifts arrive, however. Write a note even if you have thanked the giver in person.
Congratulatory gifts or cards - Anyone who sends a present, or a card with a personally written message, should receive a note in return.
Event Thank-Yous - After you've attended a party or event which someone else spent a great deal of time organizing.
Gifts received during an illness - Thank-you notes should be written as soon as the patient feels well enough—or a friend or relative can write the notes to acknowledge the gifts. It’s also okay to call or email close friends rather than write. The important point is to be sure the gift is acknowledged in a timely fashion, not to create a burden for the person who is ill or recovering.
Condolence notes or gifts - Everyone who has sent a personal note, flowers, or a donation should get a written thank-you. A close friend or relative can write the notes on the recipient’s behalf.
The most recent etiquette allows that people who have just had babies, been sick or lost loved ones do not need to send a note. However, if they are able, it is still a nice gesture.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SEND A THANK-YOU NOTE FOR RECEIVING A THANK-YOU NOTE!!!
Thank-You Note Guidelines
1. Be Prompt. Send your thank-you note as soon as possible after receiving the gift or favor. A late note is still better than no note at all.
2. Be Specific. Mention the exact gift or act of kindness. For example, instead of "Thank you for the gift," say, "Thank you for the beautiful candle".
3. Personalize It. Explain how you plan to use the gift or how the act of kindness was helpful. A sincere, heartfelt message makes the note more meaningful.
4. Keep it Concise. The main body of the note doesn't need to be long; three to five sentences are usually sufficient.
5. Structure Your Note:
Greeting: Start with a proper greeting, such as "Dear [Name]".
Body: Express your gratitude, mentioning the specific item or deed.
Closing: Include a closing sentence, such as "I look forward to seeing you soon".
6. Choose the Right Format. A handwritten note on a personal card is often best for gifts or favors from friends and family. For a professional context, like after a job interview, use professional letterhead.
7. Be Sincere. The most important thing is to be genuine in your expression of gratitude.
8. Use Appropriate Stationery. Use appropriate stationery, like note cards, for personal thanks or professional letterhead for business.
9. Close Appropriately. End your note with a fitting closing like "Sincerely" or "Warm regards".
WHAT TO WEAR TO A WEDDING
Casual Attire
“Casual attire” is perhaps the most confusing of all dress indicators. To some people, casual means shorts and flip-flops; to others, it is a sport coat and slacks. When in doubt as to what exactly is meant by casual for this particular wedding, ask the couple or someone assisting with the wedding planning.
It is always better to err on the side of overdressing. Therefore, when an invitation states “Casual Attire,” do not just show up in the same clothes that you might wear to a baseball game or for running errands on a Sunday afternoon. For men, slacks or khaki pants and dress shirts with or without ties are suitable; sport coats will dress up an ensemble a little more but is still in the realm of casual attire. A woman could wear a skirt or slacks with a blouse or a casual dress; avoid velvets, sequins, beading, and anything that looks too glitzy.
Theme or Theme Optional
When a couple is planning a theme wedding, such as a Renaissance event or a masquerade ball, often they will indicate whether guests should come dressed a certain way. Typically this is optional, especially for elaborate themes where the guest would have to spend a great deal of time and money to procure the right outfit. When in doubt, ask the couple or someone assisting in planning the wedding.
Cocktail Attire
When an invitation states “Cocktail Attire,” guests should dress to look chic and elegant, but not quite formal. For women, cocktail dresses, high heels, and evening bags are appropriate; men should wear dark suits (but not tuxedos).
Black Tie Optional
“Black Tie Optional” means that male guests may choose to wear tuxedos and female guests may wear evening gowns, but this is not required. However, this does not mean that one may arrive casually dressed to a “Black Tie Optional” wedding. Guests who choose to not wear full black tie should dress as formally as possible---for men, that means dark suits, and for women, that means at least cocktail-length dresses.
Black Tie
When an invitation states “Black Tie,” there’s no way around it: this wedding is a formal affair. Women should plan to wear long evening dresses and heels; men should wear tuxedos. However, what if the invitation doesn’t indicate a style of dress? Then one must rely on the time of day for clues. Morning and afternoon weddings typically call for clothes that are dressier than “casual” but not formal. Light colors and materials are suitable. Men should wear sport coats, slacks, dress shirts, and ties; women should wear skirts, slacks, or non-formal dresses. For evening weddings, if no dress is indicated, one should dress as if for dinner at a very nice restaurant. Wear darker colors than for a daytime wedding, and beading, sequins, and fancier jewelry are acceptable. However, one should avoid formality---no tuxedos or evening gowns.